


Vampland Adventures

by Basingstoke



Category: Highlander: The Series, True Blood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-04
Updated: 2010-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-05 19:18:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basingstoke/pseuds/Basingstoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rocks fall, nobody dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vampland Adventures

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Melina for telling me to post it. TY tzikeh for the summary.

Sam stares down the whole bar like they want to eat me. "Sam," I say, "sugar, it's just Fangtasia. We're in less danger here than Disneyland."

Eric hears me, of course, and looks pissy. Serves him right, up on that honest to Jesus *throne* on a *stage*. I'd wonder who he thinks he is, but I know who he thinks he is; he's Eric Northman, big shot sheriff of vampires. Sam turns and looks at me, thinking too loudly, "Vampire Disneyland, where they keep you and rape you and eat you for fun." What he actually says, though, is, "I worry about you, Sookie. Just let me be."

Fine, then. I stroke his arm, much like I stroked his head when he was in dog shape.

Across the bar, a couple of girls are playing with fire. One is posing with a go-go dancer, shrinking away in mock fear as the dancer leans over her shoulder with his fangs exposed. I hear her little mental "ew" of disgust as spit drips down his fang onto her shoulder, just as her friend takes the picture. When she steps away, the dancer's hand brushes across her breast.

But the dancer looks at Eric, and I look too; Eric gives a little eyebrow-pinch that means "no, no dinner for you." I can't hear the vampire's thoughts but I'm getting to know Eric pretty well. The girls run to the bar squealing. The dancer goes back to dancing. Eric goes back to reading his Kindle. He loves gadgets.

Fangtasia is safe. It's everywhere else that's not. I'm here eavesdropping on people's minds to find out if anyone knows anything about my boyfriend Bill's disappearance. He's a vampire. He's been gone for a week. I don't have any idea where he is.

Nobody knows anything, of course. I'm staying up too late and taking Sam away from his own bar for no reason. I mean, he didn't have to go, but I knew he would, so it's my fault. Now that I'm here, though, I can't stand to leave.

A couple of guys walk in. I straighten up and so does Sam, because they look out of place. They're both wearing coats--in Louisiana. The bigger one is wearing a suit as well. I start listening.

The big one is thinking, "Garish, classless, Las Vegas; if this appeals to a vampire clientèle I won't have it." He's thinking about the *decor*. The skinny one is thinking, "It's been three hundred years since I walked into a vampire's lair. This is a terribly bad idea. Hope I don't see anyone I recognize. No warning signs, but that doesn't mean anything."

Three hundred years? I start focusing on him. "What?" Sam mutters beside me.

"Nothing, shush," I tell him.

Eric looks up from his Kindle. He sets it down beside him, frowning, which is not a good sign at all. I listen to the skinny guy harder; he's thinking "I could use a whiskey, a nice Islay, good and strong, bet they cost a fortune, I hate inflation, used to cost a penny for a pint, but of course then it might blind you, wait I know him, where do I know him?"

Eric jumps to his feet and roars, baring his fangs. He runs lightning-fast across the bar and seizes the skinny guy by the throat.

"All right, everyone out!" Pam yells from her post at the door. "Out, out!" The dancers herd the entire bar outside at superspeed.

The big guy pulls out a sword--a sword, from nowhere! Eric has the skinny guy raised over his head by one hand on his throat. The skinny guy isn't thinking anything, it's just red, red, like blood. Eric yells something in what's probably Swedish and the skinny guy boots him square in the mouth.

That actually shakes Eric--the guy must be tough--and he doesn't see the big guy coming in with a sword cut to his throat. That makes Eric drop the skinny guy.

Eric shakes his head, spattering blood everywhere, arterial spray. I flinch away and by the time I look up, Eric is healed and the big guy has Pam pinned to the wall with his sword. She's freaking out, spitting like a cat, trying to get him, but she's good and stuck. The skinny guy tosses the big guy a long knife without looking away from Eric. He's holding a long knife in one hand and a metal stool in his other like a shield.

The skinny guy says, "I didn't start this. I'll leave."

"You will stay!" Eric bellows. He's so quiet most of the time that when he yells, he actually scares me a little. Sam is on his feet in front of me.

The skinny guy licks the back of his hand, where he caught a big spray of blood. He gets jittery, bouncing back and forth between his feet. Crap; now he's hopped up on vampire blood. I try to see into his mind and hear almost gibberish: "Eric Eric Godric vampire blood BLOOD defend MacLeod defend Duncan MacLeod I love him BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD."

That gives me an idea and I listen to the big guy: "Methos, what are you doing? Who are these people? If they hurt you I'll kill them all, I don't care if it takes me the rest of eternity. He looks strong enough to rip off your head. You could die. Methos. Watch the woman. Help Methos."

Eric isn't moving. He speaks, quietly, in Swedish. Methos, the skinny guy, answers back in the same language so I get the idea of listening to him for a translation. He thought earlier in English and yeah, he's thinking, "You can't have it. I won it fair and square."

Eric speaks again and I hear through Methos's ears, "You are a thief."

"Sookie, let's get out of here. Eric can take care of himself," Sam whispers, tugging my arm.

"No," I whisper back.

"Suck my cock," Methos shouts back in Swedish, his mind all jumpy with V. He's thinking almost in pure emotion, covetousness and arrogance and challenge, just plain pigheadedness. This isn't going to work.

So I shout, "Duncan! Tell Methos to give Eric his stuff back!"

And everyone looks at me. That's better. "How do you know me, woman?" Methos hisses between his teeth, looking from me to Eric.

"Never mind how. You're all drugged up, you're not thinking right! Duncan, come on, help me out here," I say.

Duncan couldn't look more surprised if I'd smacked him between the eyes with a sledgehammer. "...Right," he says. "Methos, no need to fight. We just came here to look at the bar."

Eric stands by me in a flash, elbowing Sam aside. "How do I kill them?" he whispers. "I've killed that one before but he comes back."

"I'm not telling you that!" I say. Give me some credit for brains. Eric grabs my shoulder and shakes me. "When has threatening me ever worked, buster?" I ask him.

He bares his fangs but lets me go.

I don't know what these guys are but Duncan is so worried about Eric pulling Methos's head clean off his shoulders that I know that's what Eric is looking for. Methos has some seriously crazy eyes going on right now; the V is really kicking in. "Methos," Duncan says softly. He walks up behind Methos and runs a hand through Methos's hair. "We don't have to fight."

"I want to fight," Methos says. "We never finished our last fight, Northman." He throws the stool down and draws a giant sword out of his coat.

Duncan stands back a step. Eric hisses. "Is that sword what you want from him?" I ask.

I can hear Methos, clear as day, thinking, "I will stand between my lover and this ancient menace. I will bring him the vampire's head on a silver plate. We will smear our faces in its blood." Meanwhile, Duncan is thinking "we're surrounded, I don't think I can get us out of here, Methos has lost his mind, please let this little girl get us out." He's right, the dancers are all around him, armed with chains and bats and such. They're minor vampires but even younguns can fight like demons. It about breaks my heart. I have to do my best.

But why does Eric want this so bad? He doesn't give a crap about *stuff.* All he cares about is looking good and, a little bit, Pam, and a lot, Godric. Oh wait.

I turn to Eric. "That's Godric's sword, isn't it? He stole Godric's sword?"

"I won it off him!" Methos yells.

"You burned him with silver and stole his horse and weapon! You fought me but you never fought Godric!" Eric yells back. "Thief!"

Methos frowns through the V fog. I can hear him replaying the fight in his head. "There were two men by the fire two horses one fancy one plain a man and boy I tossed the boy aside I fought the man I took the man's horse I won this fairly!"

"The boy was senior," I say. "The boy was the master."

Methos takes a step back, bumping into Duncan. "You're reading my mind," he says.

"Yeah, I am reading your mind. You're really loud," I tell him.

Duncan, behind him, looks super freaked out, but whispers into his ear: "I have a hundred swords. This one means nothing."

"Eric." I turn to him, holding out my hand. "Swear not to kill them if he gives you the sword."

He wrinkles his nose but nods, sharply. I poke him with my finger and he shakes on it.

"Right," I say. I walk slowly toward Methos. Behind me, pinned by Eric between two bar stools, Sam makes a little whimpering noise. "He just lost Godric, see. They had a thousand years together."

"He was a great man," Eric growls, not helping.

"Think about how you would feel if Duncan died and some guy had his sword?" I say to Methos. I hold out my hands.

Duncan thinks I'm going to get stabbed. So does Sam. But I can hear Methos's thoughts, and he takes a deep breath, then another, clearing through the vampire blood fog, and he hands me the sword. He pulls his long knife again right after, but I have the sword. Oh my god is it heavy. I'm dropping it, but Eric runs over and snatches it out of my hands before it hits the floor. He holds it like it's nothing, cradles it like a baby. He's so tender...

Oh, hell, I am not having any more sex dreams about Eric. I refuse. "I think I better walk you out," I say to the two fellows.

Pam clears her throat. "Don't let the door hit you in the ass," she says, handing Duncan his sword cool as a cucumber. She's all over blood stains and there's a big hole in the stomach of her dress. She's like to kill Duncan for that alone.

Sam catches up beside me and we walk the two guys out. Pam slams the door and locks it behind us. "So what do you call yourselves?" I ask.

"Immortals," Duncan says.

Methos shakes himself all over. "Did I just give my sword away?" he asks Duncan.

"Yes, you did. I'll get you another one from my stash." Duncan looks me over. "What do you call yourself?" he asks.

"A telepath. And Sam's a shifter, not a werewolf, don't worry."

"I gave my sword away. I love that sword. It's perfectly balanced," Methos says.

"Wow," I say. "When you guys get messed up on V, you get really messed up."

"Normally drugs don't affect us. Adam, please."

Methos snaps away and stands up tall, reaching his arms over his head. "I am your senior, little boy! I am Methos! I am king of this world!" He holds his head back and I could swear I could see lightning bolts snapping in his eyes. "Worship me with virgins! Worship me with blood! Kneel before me, mortals!" He extends his fingers. I wait for the thunder.

Thunder doesn't come. "I'm sorry, I didn't get your name," Duncan says. "You seem to know mine already."

"Sookie Stackhouse." I offer my hand. "You're not minor gods or anything?"

Duncan snorts. "No, he's just--"

"I am Methos!" Methos intones. He still has his arms outstretched.

"I heard you, sweetie," I say.

"Stoned," Duncan says.

"Uh, Sam Merlotte. You may not want to come back this way any time soon," Sam says, shaking Duncan's hand as well.

"I got that impression."

"But come on down and see us in Bon Temps," I tell him. Heck, every other supernatural creature in the world likes it. Might as well be hospitable to those who have their heads screwed on right.

"That Viking has my sword," Methos says, and he turns and starts walking back toward the club. Duncan tackles him. He and Sam drag him back into Duncan's car and Duncan waves as he drives off, Methos pounding at the windows.

"We're going *home* now," Sam says, looking at me.

I take his arm. This time, he's right.

"You should be a negotiator for the UN," Sam says, shaking his head. He hands me up into his truck.

All that and we still don't know anything about Bill. Aw, heck. Here I am saving everyone's lover but my own. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to have another sex dream about Eric tonight, after seeing him handle that sword. I sigh and thump my head against the window. It's a night's work, but some days I wish I could solve some problems instead of creating them.

the end.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Vampland Adventures [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3467222) by [tinypinkmouse_podfic (tinypinkmouse)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinypinkmouse/pseuds/tinypinkmouse_podfic)




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